Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Feminist Mystique

The women in my life are giving me so much material that I don't even know where to begin.

My mother is certifiably crazy. Those of you who know me in real life (and are pretending not to be here - I SEE YOU!!) know this already and the rest of you will likely get snippets over time reagdring just how fucking nuts she is. For the sake of catching up quickly, she was always batty but about 13 years ago she and my father finally split up - ever since then she has been stark raving mad. She has terrible coping skills, spends above her means and then hoards tons of crap, causing her to have a very messy house. We actually stay at my grandparents' home when we visit because my mom's house is not in a habitable condition for my kids, even temporarily.

My grandmother gives the appearance of being less nuts than my mother, but that is a facade. Her mother died when she was 16, and she helped raise her younger siblings. Grandma simultaneously despises conflict, and yet she exacerbates everyone's issues by enabling. She and my mother are extremely enmeshed, and live about two blocks from one another.

I consider myself to be the smart one, as I've moved two hours away.

However, when we all get together, there is this crazy dynamic that helps me remember why I moved. Our conversations usually go something like this:

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No, never mind. I couldn't even type a sample conversation without my head exploding.

Instead, here's an example of my mother's skewed thought processes:

She tells me a story about a woman in a nearby town who recently blugeoned her 14 year old daughter to death. It seems she was fine - totally FINE! - until her husband left her . She was taking Zoloft but that's besides the point - she was FINE!, totally stable -but then she lost her house and so she and her daughter moved in to her mother's house. Then they lost her mother's house due to financial problems (totally not their fault!) and then the child's father had the audacity to file for custody even though he didn't really give a shit about his daughter - he was just trying to be an asshole. So the mother felt she had no other choice but to kill her daughter and attempt to kill herself. And she was FINE before all he screwed her over! Really!

Do you know how she ends the story?

"They should hang the Son of a Bitch."

Yes, she's talking about the Dad. I don't actually recall her mentioning anything about the woman, except that she was fine, FINE! until her husband left. I asked if maybe the father had filed for custody because he saw that his ex-wife was too unstable to care for their daughter - but no, she was certain that wasn't the case - it was just because he didn't want to pay child support!

Can you tell that she's still bitter about her divorce?

She and I don't get along terribly well, leading Riley to say things like, "Will you two just stop fighting!" whenever we are together. I said I would work on that for Lent but it's not going terribly well.

Anyway, she adores my Bella and I am absolutely TERRIFIED over where she will fall into this madness. I'm holding out hope that having two daughters was a blessing from God, in order to diffuse our ancestral insanity (Mom & Grandma each have only one daughter), but for now, Adelyn is too young to interact much with them in any meaningful way.

Bella, on the other hand, is not, and she idolizes them both (especially my mother). Unfortunately, she is beginning to show symptoms.

Exhibit A:

We went in her room the other night to check on her after she'd gone to sleep. Alas! She's not there! But she is hoarding stuff on top of her bed. Hmmm.


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So where was she? Here is Exhibit B:


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Yes, Bella was sleeping under her bed. With her pink poodle and countless other stuffed animals, of course. Would a sane person do that? Huh? Huh?

Exhibit C has to do with $100 playgroup. Yesterday, she and her friend went into my neighbor's bedroom and covered themselves with Triple Paste and Vaseline. This was what she looked like after we cleaned her up:



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Now really, what sane person would do a thing like this? Unless of course, you wanted to put your hair in pigtails reminiscent of Pipi Longstocking:


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We had to put cornstarch in her hair to try and get it out, but it didn't really work:


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Exhibit D is quite simple - my mother tells the same stories over and over agin. Bella wants me to read her the same stories over and over again.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

I am getting rather frightened by the whole thing. Now, as for the vaseline, thank God for the Internet, because they have whole message board dedicated to getting vaseline out of your kid's hair. I am going to try baby oil and Dawn dish soap tonight.

Citrus fresh scent! To go with the insanity!!

I need lots and lots of luck. Please pray for us.

4 Comments:

Blogger Territorial said...

You are one funny lady!!!

I thought I had the wackiest Mom in the world. Are they related???

Your little lady is adorable...vaseline and all.

12:12 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

LOL!! My daughter got into the A&D Ointment not long ago. She decided it was best rubbed into her brother's hair! I had to wipe his poor head down with wipes, plus wash it SEVEN TIMES, and it was still a bit greasy for a few days after that.

Your little Bella is beautiful. She looks like she's been punished enough during the cornstarch episode. What a sweet face! (Oh I know it's easy for me to say. I know how you feel - I'm still not over my A&D "incident")

3:06 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

This was so funny! Now I'm a little concerned about my own daughter. Her bed rivals Bella's because she insists on having all of her books on it when she sleeps. Half the time, the books and toys take over the bed, and she sleeps on the floor next to the bed!

11:12 AM  
Blogger Stolidoli said...

Yes yes, my daughter is cute, but crazy. I think she actually enjoyed the cornstarch.

I did get it out, btw, with Dawn dishsoap. I'd highly recommend it - it worked like a charm and had a nice scent.

Terri - maybe we're cousins? LOL!

11:14 PM  

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