Friday, February 04, 2005

No, not FOOTballs silly, the OTHER kind...

I had one of those hold-your-breath Mom moments the other day. Riley was getting out of the bath and cheerily proclaimed, "Hey! Where did my ball go?" as he proceeded to fumble around his scrotum. Yes, well, exactly. One of my son's little four year old testicles had disappeared back up into, well, we weren't sure where it had gone.

First, my husband too a shot at finding it. Then, as Riley hopped and giggled, I tried to locate the missing testicle. Was it playing peek-a-boo with us? Where on earth does a testicle go, anyway? Jacksonville?

So first, I call my brother, and ER doc who is currently working nights. He's sleeping, but my sister-in-law tells me that he'll call back when he wakes up.

Not ten minutes later, my normally very laid-back brother calls, and he sounds a bit alarmed. It seems that this can signify a "surgical emergency" that, if not treated within a six hour window, would cause loss of the testicle, and writhing pain.

"Is he in pain?" he asks.

"Well," I say, "he's sleeping right now, so probably not. But now I'm starting to worry. He tells me no less than three times to call my pediatrician in the morning, and I fight the urge to go and wake him up and take him there NOW.

The next morning, still no complaints from Riley, so I drive him and Bella to school. Then I make an appointment for him to see the doctor. David, my brother, calls me AGAIN to ask how Riley's doing, making me all the more nervous.

Later, when I pick him up and tell him that we are going to the doctor so she can help him locate his missing ball, Bella proclaims, "I have your ball Riley! It's in my backpack!"

Just when will the psychotherapy begin for that poor child, I ask you?

Vincent comes home from work and reminds me that his friend's son had surgery recently to correct his ball, which had crept back up into...see, I don't really know where they go, but wherever it is, it's BAD.

I take Riley to the doctor, and he pulls his pants down (a favorite activity!) and stands up on the examining table. This is the part where she and I stick our faces no less than six inches from where my son's testicle is supposed to be.

"There it is," she says.

"Really?" I ask. "Where?"

"There," she points. "Can you see it jumping around in there when he giggles?"

We both lean in closer, noses almost touching my son's "special purpose." I see no sign of the lost ball.

"If you can see it dancing, it's not a problem," she asserts.

Uh....yeah. She actually used the word dancing in conjunction with my son's private parts. So, twenty bucks down the drain, but my son has two testicles, and that's a good thing. The left one is just sort of...hiding. Great. I'll take what I can get so long as no one needs to go exploring down there with a scalpel...we had enough of that when he was an infant.

In other ball news, being that we're from Philadelphia...



Blogger Territorial said...

Glad the ball was located. *giggle*

The joys of boys.


12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK -- I know this was a worry -- but still -- the story cracked me up!


1:14 PM  
Blogger Stolidoli said...

Yes, boys are joys...and I laughed too, so don't feel bad! I would NOT be laughing if he needed surgery. Well, OK< maybe AFTER the surgery.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

LOL!! I love this post! I can just see myself paranoid now, and checking on my son's testicles to be sure they are where they belong. I didn't know they could just... disappear like that!

Would you mind if I link to this post in my weekly blog round-up on Thursday?

5:57 PM  
Blogger Stolidoli said...

Christine - that would be great! I didn't think I'd mind not really having any readers but it IS sort of like being at a party and talking, but no one hears you or talks back to you...what I imagine speaking into a vacuum (the real NASA kind) would be like. So I'd be honored to be in the roundup! Thanks!

6:28 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

No problem! I agree with you. I didn't think I'd get any readers, but the more comment I get the more fun I have!

I post my round-ups on Thursdays. You'll be in it!

And by the way, I really enjoyed my visit - I'll be back!

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh jeez, now I'm going to be paranoid about my two little boys and their, um, yeah. At least with my three-year-old he'd be able to tell me right away if one was missing. He hasn't taken his hand out of there since he found it. *sigh* Boys.


4:46 PM  
Blogger Elle said...

Well just checked. 2 boys, four balls. Thanks for the testicle education, I could use all the help I can get!

6:51 PM  
Blogger Frally said...

Ha! That was funny and terrifying all at the same time. My brother had one ball knocked inside him in an accident. He earned the nickname "Traumtised Balls". Wouldn't seem so funny on a four year old.

8:10 PM  
Blogger Ella said...

This was very funny! I will be checking my two boys to see that everything is present and correct. Thanks for the information AND entertainment!

5:50 AM  
Blogger jae said...

Oh, that's so funny! I'm becoming more and more prepared for when my son gets older! ~j

3:15 PM  

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