Huh.

Bizarre.

Was it PMS or maybe I was just drunk?

Last night I put way too much rum in my mojitos at a neighborhood wine and cheese party, and when I came home, Vincent came running outside in his underwear.

"We need milk! Go to Wawa!"

As Wawa is so close that we frequently walk, I turned back around and headed off, even though I just wanted to go to bed. I had just gotten my period and it always leaves me nauseous, so that with the mojitos was an increasingly unpleasant combination.

This bippy little girl was in front of me on line buying cigarettes and two individually wrapped chocolate candies.

Two! Not a whole bag - just two. My blood started to boil.

She cheerfully greeted the cashier with news of her college graduation, and gushed that she was headed to graduate school! Back in Massachusetts! Yay!

I had to fight the urge to spin her around and scream, "Why? You'll just end up home with three kids and thinking that an outing to Wawa is a fucking vacation anyway, so save your money and go off and join a fucking nunnery while you still can!"

You're not a baby, not quite a toddler...

My darling little Adelyn, you are one year old today. I cannot believe how you've taken our lives by storm and turned our house upside down, but that shouldn't surprise me because upside down is your favorite position. When Daddy comes home from work, you are flinging yourself backwards in his arms almost before he has you in his grasp. Then you giggle wildly and do it again, completely oblivious to the peril you've put yourself in.

One year and nine months ago today, Mommy and Daddy went to a wedding and got really drunk, and then decided that we should go off and get snuggly in the back of the family sedan. We hadn't done that since high school. Luckily for us, you waited until after high school to actually show up.

Just weeks before that, we were at the Jersey shore and I went to see the psychic that my friends had spoken so highly of. She immediately told me that I had two children already, a boy and a girl, and then announced that I should wait a while before having a third.

"Why?" I stammered.

"Because it's hard," she said, gesturing to her own three children, sitting dutifully on the bench outside. "You'll end up like me."

So here I am, a gypsy in my own home, three children trailing wherever I go.

We were supposed to start the Great Big Home Addition in the Spring and I asked Vincent if maybe the psychic was right, and that we should wait before considering a third child. He was furious that I should take her opinion into account. She told me she saw a pretty new room, filled with flowery bedding. "Our addition is supposed to start!" I exclaimed, "and we're getting a new kitchen and master bedroom suite but I think we're keeping our bedroom comforter," I added dubiously. She only stared.

Of course, you came, and since one addition was enough, we did some preliminary work and put a new bedroom in for you, complete with floral curtains and bedding. I'm still cooking on a range older than I am.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I cried and cried and cried. I didn't get out of bed for two days. Later, when my Quad Screen came back as being potentially at risk for Trisomy 18, I cried and cried and cried and didn't get out of bed for a week. I was convinced that this was what the psychic meant when she told me to wait. I prayed that you would be well and spent hours scouring the internet for websites that could tell me more, tell me you'd be OK. I still visit them, haunted by what might have been.

I am so very grateful for the gift of learning just how much I loved you while you were still inside of me, and even more so that you are healthy and well and here with us today.

You were such a sweet baby. We were going to call you "Addie" - actually, we couldn't decide between Adelyn or Adelaide or Adeline, and had to make flashcards in the hospital just before they kicked us out. Riley and Bella settled on "Baby Adelyn" and wouldn't let us call you anything else, and so you've been "Baby Adelyn" ever since. I think you'll hate us for it by prom night, at least.

You loved to be held - so much so that we slept together every night, you lying on my chest, for months. Actually, it turns out that you had reflux and would only sleep sitting up until we gave you baby Zantac. Every morning I still bring you into bed with me, and we snuggle and you nurse and you spoon your little body up against mine. You're becoming restless these days, rolling around on the bed, almost rolling off before I catch you by the ankles, laughing, always laughing you are. I already miss the days when we'd both drift back to sleep in each other's arms. I know that it won't be long before you are too excited to start the day to pause in my bed in the morning, so I cherish every moment.

As Riley and Bella awaken, you greet them with exuberence. You can't say "Riley" yet, but you squal "Lala!" whenever Bella walks into the room and you positively glow at the sight of either one of them. And they adore you. They love to play with you in your room, checking to see if you'll bang cups together just like they do, or those little balls from your Stand Up Ball Blast. That is your absolute favorite toy, because it plays music that you can dance to, and you love to roll the balls down the track and then see where they're going to come out. You are absolutely vibrant when you dance. Your face lights up and you wiggle your shoulders and it is absolutely divine. Riley and Bella never danced quite like that - you have a rhythm all your own.

Having a big brother and sister has it's downsides, for me anyway. You still won't say "Mama" but you come close, I think. Just the important things, like "Lala," and I think maybe "this" and "that" and "night-night." You adore your crib. I have never had a child so easy to put to sleep - you practically dive for it whenever I suggest that it's time to go in. Then you grab your binkie and clutch your bear (like this one only much cuter) and collapse on top of him. I turn down the light and walk out, and you are content. I wonder if the only peace you get in this crazy house is in that crib. Maybe that's why you like it so much.

I love you so much that it aches when I conjure up your smell, the feel of your skin when I kiss the rolls under your neck. I love the light in your eyes when you spy the cat from across the room, and the gentle way you press your forehead onto his when I catch and hold him for you. I melt when you shower me with kisses, even when you get so excited that you bite my cheek or bang your head into mine over and over and over again - kiss, kiss, kiss!

I know that the devilish grin that you flash before you grab the remote control, or the phone, means that you are no longer my baby. You are already having little temper tantrums, thrashing about when you don't get your way, or simply crumpling onto the floor in despair. I can tell that it hurts your feelings when I say "No!", and you cry as though I've broken your heart. I know that this year there will be boo-boos, and band-aids, and pigtails. You'll learn to walk on your own, and before we both know it, you'll be running full speed into toddlerhood, and out of my arms. As much as it pains me to carry you around everywhere, my heart aches at the thought that, when preschool begins again in September, you will be running on your own two feet. You have always played independently, and you will keep moving farther away from me. But I am so proud of you, and if I'm no longer carrying you then I will be cheering you on from as close as you'll let me come.

You are a blessing from God and you were meant to be here with us, and I love you with all of my being.

Happy Birthday Baby Adelyn.

Happy Flag Day everyone - in years past, I would already be drunk at the beach with friends. Gotta love government holidays!

Today was our last "Twenty Point Playgroup" of the year, and we had it at our swim club. So of course, that means more cupcakes for Adelyn! It's not quite getting loaded on Coors Light at your friend's shore house, but it'll do. And while I enjoyed having every Flag Day off as a working woman, I love being a SAHM in the summertime.

Breakthrough

Last night, I lay down in bed with Bella, who was still awake at 10:00 pm (she fell asleep on the couch at five so we knew we were doomed). It was a rare opportunity to talk to my middle child alone, and since she's been resisting any attempts at potty training, I thought I'd take the opportunity to plug that s well.

"I got a new bed," she said, clutching her life-sized Strawberry Shortcake. Of course, she's been sleeping in the bed for almost a year now, after she peed in her crib one night after her bath, and yes, before putting her diaper on. "And you took my crib away," she sobbed, fighting back tears.

We talked about how she is getting to be such a big girl.

"I don't want to be big," she said, "but Adelyn makes me bigger."

Oooooh. I get it.

So we talked about how proud I am of her that she can do big girl things now, like take Soccer and Ballet lessons in the Fall, and go to a big kid school. And when she goes peepee and poop in the potty all the time, she can take swimming lessons and go in the big kid pool, and to summer camp with Riley (Do you think she saw through that one?).

I pointed out that babies that sleep in cribs don't get to do these things, or eat candy, or ride bikes. I added that I can't stop her from growing up, and that she gets bigger every day. But she'd always be my baby.

"I don't want to be a baby!"

Oh well, so much for my breakthrough.

Today was the best day of her life so far I think, between the moonbounce and the cake.

Today was Adelyn's first birthday party, and she chose NOT to cry. She must not have wanted to!

It's officially summer now!

Today was also their last day of preschool. I got a sitter so that I could go to their end-of-the-year show and still have Adelyn nap. And of course I got her to stay with all three of them so that I could get to Baja Fresh for lunch, because I may be cheap, but I'm not CRAZY.

The kids enjoy their first lemonade stand...

...and made a small fortune in the process. Of course, they didn't pay for their OWN lemonade!

Phew!

Riley asked me today which of the kids I liked best. I explained that I love them all, that each one adds something uniquely wonderful to my life.

I added, "You know, like Daddy and me. Can you really say that you like one of us better than the other?"

Then I held my breath.

Please God, don't let him say that he likes Daddy better. Please God, don't let him say that he likes Daddy better. Please God...

"Yeah," he laughed. "Like, I love you both so much because you're different. You're both the best Mommy and Daddy ever."

Exhale.

I guess it's time for some parental controls

Poor Riley was sick this morn'
A fact that left him quite forlorn

But his mother's no fool
She sent Bella to school

And let him sit on the couch watching...uh, Scooby Doo. And the Witch's Ghost.

What did you think I was going to say? Come on now. Adelyn is the one who changes the channel searching for a little action, if you know what I'm saying. Yesterday, I found Adelyn on the living room floor, still clutching the remote and laughing, as Riley and Bella sat fixated on the TV.

"What on earth are you watching?" I gasped.

"A grown-up show, I guess?" said Riley, never tearing his eyes away from the screen.

But of course Adelyn is napping now, so Scooby-Doo it is.