Leaving on a jet plane...

Tomorrow evening I'm flying for the first time in six years. The first time since I've had kids. The first time since 9/11. I'm heading, by myself, to a friend's wedding in Phoenix and I am scared to death. If I can get over my fear of flying, it will be wonderful to spend four child-free night drinking and carousing with my old friends.

If.

All day my head has been full of thoughts like, "This might be the last dinner I have with my family" and "This might be the last time I kiss my kids goodnight."

Actually, I was out at Walgreen's picking up a prescription for Xanax while Vincent was putting the kids to bed. When I came home, Bella was already asleep - the child hasn't fallen asleep before 9:30 in months and she chooses tonight to get sleepy?

I've never taken Xanax, and since I was also picking up my prenatal vitamin refill, the pharmacist panicked and almost didn't give them to me. I had to explain that I am not pregnant, but I still nurse Adelyn in the mornings sometimes, and that we are thinking about getting pregnant again soon but not actively trying before she'd release the Xanax to me. She scared me half to death, actually. I guess if I end up taking it we won't be trying to get pregnant this month at all. Or next, because that would put me giving birth around Riley's first day of Kindergarten and it would be my luck to have that kind of chaos in my life.

Speaking of Riley, did you know that he was born on a Thursday night? Know why I remember that? Because the Asian doctor on ER gave birth to her son (the one that she gave up for adoption) pretty much at exactly the same moment, EST, that I was giving birth to Riley.

Do you know what will be on ER Thursday night, at precisely the moment my pilot is landing my plane in Phoenix?

Yes, a plane crash.

I think I'll be taking that Xanax after all.